Here's how YOU can help ME!

Josh is big. He's outgrowing the bassinet very quickly. Jacob stayed in our room, in the bassinet, for 8 weeks before I moved him into the crib in his room. Josh isn't going to last 3 more weeks in the bassinet. Remember? He's BIG. I'm having anxiety about putting the two kids together!! Why? Oh, I'll tell you why. The day? Yesterday. The place? My house. The scene? Jacob is sleeping in his room, and Josh is sleeping in the living room where I am on the phone. Josh wakes up. I obviously don't get to him in time because I hear this: Jacob: AAAAHHHHHH!!!! MOM! Joshie!! Really, though - reread that in the whiniest yell you can manage. He was totally tattling. And it was hilarious. But only for a split second because this was the first time he's ever tattled on anyone. And then he wouldn't go back to sleep. At least it was only a nap. But wait! There's more! Also yesterday, I put Josh in the crib (Jacob is in a toddler bed, same room) while I was picking up Jake's room yesterday, and Josh started fussing. And Jake THREW toys INTO the crib: "here josh! Play!" They missed Josh but OH MY GOSH. Nervousness. The you helping me part? Find me anyone who has transitioned two children into the same room and tell me how it's done with both children sleeping through the night (quit laughing and just humor me, okay? Great, thanks.) and emerging unscathed (really, quit laughing) from the bedroom the next morning. Seriously. The laughing? Not funny. Help. Please?

So, how was your weekend?

Mine was...tear filled. But WAIT! There IS happy stuff in this post. You just have to scroll down a bit. :) We had throw up. Lots of it. And the runs. Lots more of that. Little Josh is incredibly and amazingly healthy. We are blessed. But I guess I should say that Josh is blessed. Because the rest of us spent the last part of the week in the throes of wrestling the Death Germ. Tears? Why the tears? *My oldest kid is sick - again! Enough is enough! *I was sick - again! Enough is enough! *We had melted red popsicled dripped onto our one year old off-white carpet. In the living room! And I didn't get it all out! *When I was trying to get out the mushed banana stain from the carpet, that was lovingly ground into the carpet about four inches away from the red popsicle stain by the same creature that dripped the popsicle into the carpet, I thought I put a big ol' bleach stain in the living room floor. Yeah! More near-tears! *But then there were more near-tears because I was exhausted and realized that hey! - it didn't bleach the carpet, after all! I used the same product (SpotShot, amazing stuff) to get the red popsiscle all the way out. The tears subside. *Until Saturday, morning when I had to call off a dinner that was supposed to be at our house that night to send off my best friend, her husband and daughter (who is one of Jake's best girlfriends) since they moved this weekend. More tears. *Dinner got rescheduled - we were going to go out to eat after the van was packed with another family. I left Jacob and Nathan home and took Josh. Dinner was fine. The good-bye? More tears! Lots and lots of tears. And then lots more. *I proceeded to cry half way home. Just as I had myself mostly calm, police lights behind me! But I was only going 5 miles over! The calm? Poof! Gone! Welcome back, tears! Because hey, I don't want to spend money on a speeding ticket, traffic school might kill me (oh, the boredom), and did I mention my best friend is moving??? WAAAAaaaaahhhhh... *I moved from the fast lane to the slow lane when the cop turned off his lights and sped on. More tears because...I am so thankful! *I get home, walk in the door and find a husband, who, upon seeing my tear stained face, asks me: what's wrong? WHAT IS WRONG? Best friend: gone. Speeding ticket: near miss. Body: drained. Food: I shouldn't have eaten yet. I. Am. Sad. WWaaaahhhh... (and you can so imagine how far I'm pushing the "I'm sad" line...) Now, though? We're looking at a good week ahead. House is mostly bleached, again. We're having Josh's infant photo shoot. But oh my gosh - it's kind of too late! My "infant" turned 5 weeks old today and he's huge! Too big to stick on the kitchen scale! I put him on the scale, in a bowl, and I got "ERROR". You can see it in the picture. I just thought I did it wrong. Two weeks ago he was 9 lbs 1 oz. So I did it again. ERROR. Huh? I put him on the bathroom scale: 11 lbs 3 oz - 3 ounces more than the kitchen scale can handle. Can you believe how fast he's packing it on? Right now I'm taking bets on when Jacob and Josh will weigh the same. Before Jacob got sick (did I mention Jacob's sick - again?), he was 25 lbs exactly. He's 20 1/2 months. He has gained 4 lbs in the 8 months since his first birthday. My personal guess is that they'll be the same in about 8 more months. But who knows. Nathan has a co-worker with a 25 lb 8 month old. Yikes! Ok, just for anyone who thinks the bowl thing looks uncomfortable...tough. If you walk/crawl/are carried into my house and are under 11 lbs, chances are good that you, too, will do time on my kitchen scale. Here is Jacob at 2 days old, and he's turning out just fine, thanks: Don't you love how we talk so freely about the weight of babies, but if you DARE guess or ask how much I weigh...GRRRR... Can you say hypocrite?

The Diaper Bag; Part The Last

The Do-It-Most Diaper Bag came today. In fern. I am adoring it. The end.

eviction notice to the death germ

Dear Death Germ, Please see that you have every one of your belongings - and every single one of your followers - and remove yourself from the premises at once. You moved in the week of Thanksgiving. You tried to acheive domination over my family in December, and you almost won. By January we thought you had left, but in retrospect, we see you were planning The Next Great Battle. From mid-February until the present you have been nothing less than a pain in my butt, causing my child to be sick for almost a month straight (don't go on and on about how you've let him be healthy for a few days in between flus, it wasn't that generous of you), and causing me to live the life of an invalid who has nothing to do besides wash, dry and fold puked upon laundry. I understand that we're a really nice family living in a comfortable home, and you needed somewhere to needed somewhere to bunk up for the winter. But really - you moved in during the fall and technically, it's Spring now. Be gone. Thank you kindly, The Family That Would Rather Be Rarely-Home But Has Been Practically Nothing-But Home since The Death Germ Moved In. So, to everyone else: Today was great, until an hour ago. Because an hour ago, I heard Jacob - who was sleeping in his room - cough a few times. Then he started crying. I discovered the coughing was really the prelude to puke, which was all over Jacob, the bed, his hair - the pillow, etc. Everywhere. So I changed him and cleaned him up and wrapped him in a new blanket and plopped him on the couch and gave him juice. About twenty minutes later: cough, cough, cough, PUKE. So we got into the tub this time. Then Jacobs friend, Anna who we were watching, woke up. And Josh got hungry. Anna and Jake were playing and splashing and I got Jake out and dressed and we were all walking down the hall into the living room and...cough cough puke. Again. On the carpet. So I called Anna's mom to come get her (now gone) and am trying hard to keep Jacob still, but he is just not cooperating at all.

Why I will see that Lands End is on Santa's Naughty List - Forever

Or...how the intent to spend $30 on a diaper bag will end with my spending over $250. Ready? I have been wanting this diaper bag from Lands End for awhile. I know it's not super stylish, I know it's kind of plain. BUT - 1) it's red, 2) it's durable, 3) it's red, 4) it's large enough for the needs of 2 kids, 5) it's red. I finally got online last night to buy it, and that is how my request to Santa to put Lands End on the Eternal Naught List came about. Every color is in stock! Except for red! Which is not scheduled to be restocked until June 21! Which is over THREE months away! Assuming that the good people of Lands End could forsee my needs, I was sure that they had hidden a Do-It-All-Diaper Bag, in Red, in a secret corner until I came a'callin'. I used the handy-dandy chat to 'speak' with a Live! Customer Service Rep who I was sure would calm me down and assure me that yes, there was one - but just one! - left. But no. It appears that the Do-It-All-Diaper Bag, in Red, can only 'do-it-mostly' since it obviously can't be in stock when I want it. And it also appears that the restock date of JUNE 21 is not a typo. Fortunately, it is June 21 of this year. Unfortunately, I can not wait for three months. My diaper bag is too small. And I want a cute one - not just a grey or black one that Nathan will be happy toting around. And I want it now. Sometime early this year I finally accepted that this is a boy house. If there is to be estrogen, I am to make it. If there is to be pink or red, I am to buy it. Clarification: I am not a want-er, a need-er, a havetohaveit-er. No. I am a "I'll live-er", a "I can wait a week/month/year-er", a "I can manage without-er". So you now understand that this situation is extreme. Right? I scoured criagslist and e-bay and found...nothing! I googled Red Lands End Do-It-All Diaper bag...and - nothing! The universe is currently out of stock. Well, how is the quest for a $30 diaper bag going to cost me several hundred dollars? Simple. I have decided I will settle for this diaper bag instead. It's a bargain, really, at only $144. But see, I'm currently pushing a very capable, very sturdy, very used double stroller. And I just think that my current set of wheels and that diaper bag above do not go well together, agree? So now I'm going to have to splurge on a brand new double stroller (no fear, the one I want is only $175 - new). UPDATE, since I wrote that post last week: I got the Do-It-Most Diaper Bag, from Lands End, in Fern. I will live. I will even be happy with my fern bag. I will also pine for the day I can downsize to a smaller diaper bag, when I will run back to the computer and buy the Day Tripper Diaper Bag, also from Lands End, in RED. Unless the red bags all took a Day Trip to Tim-buk-tu and then I will cry large, red tears. Another update: the incredibly generous women from church decided to throw me a baby shower and suprise! me with a new double stroller - the exact stroller I wanted. I am unbelievably blessed to have such good friends.

Two new parenting magazines

I am a big, huge fan of magazines. I'm a fan of reading in general, but ever since I've become a parent, I'll take any literary nugget that can be digested in 5-10 minutes (possibly why I embrace blogs). I present to you two new finds, and one glorious tip: Find One: I wish I never found this. It's probably the most pretentious parenting magazine ever published, Cookie Magazine. My mom found this magazine in Barnes and Noble not long ago, and brought it up here for me when she came to visit last weekend. There is an article about how a childs first birthday party should really celebrate the parents, and tips to make said party a cocktail themed party while still child-friendly. Huh? After looking at the pictures, I have to say a big NOT. Another article on the best strollers. I think the cheapest was $250. Others are in the $600-$900 range. Sweet! One of each, please! There were a couple good articles - one about a mom and pop flower show in SF that I found interesting. Generally, I rate this new mag with a big OH PLEASE. And the ads - oh the ads - Bloomingdales, etc. The ads are for a childs pair of jeans that cost $92 and a boys black hoodie that costs $110. What-eva. Find two: Brought to you by the Family Fun peeps is Wonder Time. This mag exists to "celebrate your childs love of learning" and is aimed at parents of toddlers and elementary school kids. I loved the article on the smart mom who turned her never used dining room into a playroom that I would love to have in my house! Stylin' and smart. Also, an article from Catherine Newman about parenting from a more mindful and present place. I've checked out one book she recommended from the library, Everyday Blessings, The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. Of course, it's sitting with 6 or 7 other books in my library bag under the table I'm typing on. The only bummer about this mag: it's not published often yet. Tip: Buy magazines on e-bay. This was the best/worst advice I've ever heard, as I now subscribe to an obscene number of magazines and may single-handedly be destroying the environment. Tip #2: Some sellers offer a super low "buy now" price but charge a lot for shipping, which makes the purchase not worth it. If you look, you can find magazines that are super cheap with no shipping, or super super cheap with low shipping. I have gotten 2 years of Cooking Light for $10 (normally $15/year - savings of $20), three years of Parents Magazine for $5 (normally $12/year - but you can find deals for $12 for 2 years, so e-bay saves $19 - $31 here), and 1 year of Shape for free. Current examples that you could buy right now: Two years of Cooking Light for $12.88 FOUR years of Parents for $5.45 Two years of Family Fun for $4.47 And, for the pretentious reader I might have out there, two years of Cookie magazine for $5.89. These are FINAL prices, people! And you don't even have to bid and wait and cross your fingers - they're all Buy Now prices. Schweet.

Exercise? Ha HA FUNNY

I like my gym. It's a simple "just the basics" gym - no pool, no classes; just cardio and weight equipment. I feel comfortable there. I have been on a treadmill with an extremely buff man running 9.5 miles per hour on one side of me, and an elderly man using an oxygen tank strolling along on the other side. It's an everyman's gym. But it is also The Gym with the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Child Care. Alright, maybe it's not terrible or very bad. But it's definately no good. When Jacob was sitting on his Only Child Throne, it was barely acceptable. For $1 per hour, I got an unattentive 20-something sitting in the back of the room on a chair, watching as several toddlers played by themselves. When walking into the daycare room, the first thing she asks any child is what movie they want to watch. And at the first signs of wimpering, she has the front desk fetch the mommy, because, obviously, the cries of a child might get so loud that they will blow her hair out of position. Can't have that, now, can we? The worst thing about the gym daycare? They don't take kids until the child is 6 months old. I understand, seeing as how it's not top-quality daycare, it's not someplace I'd be eager to leave my young child anyhow. But to a mom desperate for 30 short minutes on an elliptical? How much damage can sub-par daycare do an infant anyhow? Coming up next: How I have fought the workout-at-home demons - and lost, so far.

new cute kid pics

The first picture was taken a few days ago. What more would a former reading specialist and avid reader love to see her children do than read, especially to each other? Oh yeah - sleep through the night. How could I forget? These bottom two were from today. Jacob is cute as always - but he's starting this fake smile thing. I thought he was too young for that! And this is the smiliest picture we have of Josh so far, so of course I'm lovin' it. I know I'm late to the party, but I just have to say that bloglines.com has revolutionized the way I read blogs - so much easier and faster.

Jacob and Josh - the health update

Still not better! Jacob's had a high fever since Friday morning (we're going on day 3 here) that is only managed by Tylenol and Motrin. It's really heartbreaking. The funny, though? We've been giving him an endless supply of popsicles. Sugar free popsicles, left over from his run-in with the runs last week, when the nurse told me sugar could exacerbate the situation. Anyhow, we've been putting a bib on Jake when he eats them since they drip and stain. Jacob hates bibs. So it was a surprise this morning when Jacob grabbed his bib off the table, put it on (mostly) by himself, and climbed up in his booster seat. Nathan and I just looked at each other, thinking "huh?" Then Jacob looked at us and said "pop-isk-ull." Got it. He's one smart kid. Josh doesn't have a fever. He had to get in on the gastronomic fun, too. Instead of the runs, he had the opposite problem. Not fun. Our first run in with big-time infant constipation, and poor thing, I could tell he was in pain. Thankfully, things have started running smoothlly again. Whew.

102 and rising

My parents "joke" that Jacob is always sick when they come. I say it like that because they think they're serious and I think they're implying I have a sickly child. I don't. Well. My parents are coming to meet Josh. They're driving up from LA. Should be here between 6 and 9 tonight. Jacob was just fine until an hour ago, when I thought that he felt a little warm, took his temperature and discovered he has a fever of 102. Fun weekend ahead! Parents who want to sightsee! Child who wants to moan and wither and sleep (and I don't blame him). If you're interested in joining the fun, e-mail your phone number to don'tyouwish@sickhouse.com so I can send you my address. See you soon!

What did you do on our anniverary?

Just wondering. Because it must absolutely be better than what went down at the House of Sleeplessness last night; the night that marked the beginning of year four of this institution called meh-weg. Really, I am praying to the High High Heavens that this will be my last "I'm so tired!" post. But no promises. 2:35 Talked to DH on the phone. DH: Does Havana sound good for dinner? RHM (me): Yes! Yummm... But - do you think you can stay awake? DH: Awake? Of course I can stay awake! I can't believe you'd say that! RHM: Well, it is the truth that you have been exhausted to the point of not super awake on our last 5 or 10 dates. True? DH: Well... RHM: *smug in my right-ness* 2:51 I am getting a little lethargic. I remember there are 4 - 2 liter bottles of Diet Pepsi in the trunk so I run to get them. I get in the house, open one bottle, pour myself a large glass and chug. Because hey - I can't very well fall asleep on our date if I just gave the hubs a bad time about him falling asleep on me. I reason that if I chug these 16-ish ounces now, and 16 more in about 2 hours, I'll be set for the night. Sweet! Fun-date Julie -----> back in action. 3:25 I am so tired I can't even sit up straight without leaning over. So I sit on the floor holding Josh and "playing" with Jake so I have less distance to fall. 3:50 I am now lying on the floor with Josh, watching Jake "reading" to himself, playing trains, and jumping on the couch. 4:09 DH walks in. Early, for our anniversary. How nice of him! How nice of me to be lying on the floor playing dead when he walks in! But HEY, now - at least I deep cleaned the kitchen and HEY, now - even mopped the dining room and kitchen floors. 4:11 We decide to call off dinner plans and babysitting and reschedule for another day. 4:12 DH hands me the phone to call my friend who was set to watch the boys. As soon as the line starts ringing, I have serious second thoughts about canceling. A dinner out - child free? Passing that up is just crazy, even if my face falls in the appetizer. And by the way, we would of course get an appetizer, because that is the thing we do only once a year for special occasions, which this would be and also, by the way, I do not care if that sentence is a run-on; I like my appetizers. 4:12:45 Friend gets to hear DH and I do the "Honey, it's really ok to reschedule, I'm not mad or disappointed" "but honey I'll live as long as dinner is about 3 minutes long, I swear it will be fine" dance. Lucky friend! 4:49 Dinner is officially cancelled. Just kidding. It was probably 4:13:39. 4:50 I am in the kitchen making dinner and decide that I should drink that 2nd glass of Pepsi so I'm at least awake enough to string together 3 words - aka "making conversation". I grab the Pepsi, pour myself a glass and chug. I'm stirring the soup and the veggies together and look over at the bottle and...HEY. WAIT. Gold wrapper on that 2 liter bottle. Looked a little something like this: I call your attention to those very blue, very obvious words above the word 'diet'.

CAFFEINE FREE

Duh, Julie. I bought Caffeine Free on purpose. I, longtime supporter of Pepsi Co, need not even have looked at the words but only the gold wrapper alone to know - HEY! This product will NOT wake me UP unless the ice cold beverage is poured on my sleeping body! Hey! 6:00 I am now laying on the sofa in the living room while DH has both boys at the computer in the bedroom, watching train videos. I, of course, am heartbroken at missing this family bonding experience. 6:15 Date with DH cancelled for date with back of eyelids. 7:00 woken up by Jake tapping on my shoulder: "hi mom!" 7:45 Finally done putting children to bed 7:46 Time to sit on the couch and kick back with TiVo. On tap? Apprentice and a little bit of The Closer. 9:00 I can't take it anymore. Mr. Eyelid obviously didn't get enough of me on our first date tonight. He's back for more. And I'm game. 11:00, 2:50, 5:30 Late night feedings (Josh) and comfortings (Jake)

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For your enjoyment - we got a postcard in the mail today from a realtor. His first name: Baldassare, or bald-ass-are. I did a little research and discovered that Baldassare is the Italian form of Bathalsar. But still, lots of jokes (from me) and rolled eyes (from dh re: my bad jokes) going on about that name.

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One more quick tid-bit. A town that's just a tad too far from me to call "neighboring" recently changed the income level required to live in their low-income apartments. You are now considered low-income if you gross less than $125K per year. You've just got to love California. Did you catch those two words in the same sentence? Because they were not a mistake: low income & $125,000

It's our anniversary and Nathan slept on the floor

First - he was warned that would be the title of a blog post. Second - while it's all true, it's totally misleading. But still funny. Nathan actually slept on the floor on Anniversary Eve, and woke up there Anniversary morning. There will be no floor sleeping on Anniversary night. After three crazy and awesome years, I think he deserves at least 1/3 of the bed, don't you? Nathan was up feeding Josh his late night bottle (10:30) since I went to bed early (bedroom @ 8, asleep shortly after 9). Well...I woke up at 11 when Josh peed all over his pj's and he was screaming bloody murder. For a mellow baby who rarely cries, I think he wants us to know that yes, he indeed has well-working lungs. Anyway, Nathan had to go into Jake's room to get new clothes for Josh, which - of course! - woke Jake up. So I took Josh duty, and Nathan settled in on the floor with Jake for "just a few minutes" to get him settled. I think they woke up around 6:15 - normal time for Jacob. Let it be known - I did offer to take floor duty with Jacob. But I think Nathan knew that sleeping on the floor was a much better deal than waking up at 2:30 and 5:30 to feed Josh. To celebrate our big day we'll be dropping off the boys - both of them - with my good friend and have dinner. Alone. Whoa. Woot!

There is no title to describe our morning. Nope, there isn't.

We're awesome. Except for those nightmares I had last night due to the jaw-dropping 2 hours of 24. Or maybe they were brought on by poopy diaper fumes. Can't remember. Ok, fine. No nightmares last night. But here's the deal. Last night, in my head, while feeding Josh at about 2:30 AM, I had this great post in my head. But then at 5:00 AM, I couldn't remember it. So I thought I'd just do a general update that says we're doing awesome. Because we are. Or, we were, that is, until 5 am. Jake woke up for the 3rd day in a row at 5 am and thought it was morning! Time to wake up! And play! This morning we decided to let himself cry back to sleep. Didn't work. Mommy lost her patience. We finally all were up by 5:45. Josh was unusually fussy. Jake was cranky. Mommy went back to sleep from 6:45 to 7:15 or so. Woke up to realize that we were late for the car appointment (our Civic got broken into while we were in Utah. Cheap radio? Gone. Small A-shaped window on the back door. Gone) but couldn't face life without a super-quick shower. Went into the living room to discover that all of the 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes I'd washed and dried and FOLDED into nice NEAT piles were scattered all over the living room floor. Given, it's my fault they were still on the living room floor from last night, but I couldn't very well put them away with Jake asleep last night, could I? Nope. Again, mommy lost her patience. Anway, the 8.3 miles from our house to the car place took 32 minutes to drive since mommy slept in and we got to drive in rush hour traffic! Yeah! Then we dropped daddy off at work, ran home to meet my friend who came over with her 2 girls to keep me company. An adult - woot! And Jake wasn't very nice to his friend who was here, or to me, or to anything else in a 3 mile radius of him. And then, OF COURSE, he wouldn't go to sleep for a nap, which he is usually really great at. But now? Now. It's 2:22 pm. Jake is asleep. Josh is asleep. Mommy is caffeinated. The world is good.

Tired, I am. So very. I am. Tired.

Took Josh for his newborn check up. He's spectacular, although we already knew that. Jacob, however, wasn't. He was always an angel at doctor visits - until the 18 month check up. I put him on the table, started taking off his clothes and he just got smacked with the memory of shots! Get me out of here! They give me shots in these rooms! AGH!! Out! Of here now!! When we got to the doctors today, Jake and Josh were asleep. Yes, that was me, carrying the big 19 month old and the infant car seat and the overly stuffed backpack and trying to open the door with no spare hands. What, there's no award for that? Well, there should be. And they should be named Ben. And Jerry. And come with copious amounts of chocolate. Anyway, Jake slept in the waiting room, and woke up in the Room of Shot Hell and freaked out. Good timing, buddy. He somehow didn't understand "this visit is not about you" and "chill, dude - no shots today". That was a fun 10 minutes getting him calmed down, while the nurse asked permission to take my sleeping angel baby and show him off. What? It's not just me that thinks he is the cutest 11 day old alive? Yes, you may adore him. Yes, your friends and co-workers may also adore him. Tips can go in my stuffed backpack. I'm sure I can find room for some spare change or even a dollar bill or twenty. I didn't even get on here to write any of that. I came on here to write what I will now write. My dear friend asked what I'm thinking of being a mom of two. And my sister called as I was driving into my parking spot and I told her I'd call her back in just 10 minutes. Well...three hours later I shot her this e-mail. I think it answers my friends question:

I just want to know if this is really going to be my life for awhile, and I'm afraid the answer is yes. I get the kids out of the car, and Jacob tried to run away. Josh was sleeping in his car seat, so I could get Jake some water and his blankie and try to put him to bed. Not a piece of cake. Re-entry is not as smooth as I had hoped. I sat down for 2 seconds, when I realized the lady who is taking over my job doing the kids' music at church was going to be knocking on my door any minute to get the stuff. So I had to find it. And "it" was in 3 different piles in 2 different rooms. I got it all organized and fed Josh. He finished the bottle right as the knock came on the door, thank goodness she was late. That visit took about 20-30 minutes. She brought diapers. I love her now. I was down to 3 Josh sized diapers. While she was here, Nathan called, so I called him back quick before his next meeting started, but he was in a different meeting. So I hung up and my mother in law called. And talked for an HOUR. And now, here I sit, writing to you. Exhausted. But I know the second I lie down on the couch someone will wake up.

That is my life. That was my day. And now, I might go try to pay a visit to the back of my eyelids.

a slightly more coherent post

Or, as coherent as it can be, seeing as how I'm now a mom of two, of which the oldest has been sick the entire time we've been in Utah - keeping us up at nights, and the youngest of which likes to play! from two! am! until three! or four! - in the morning, people, the morning. Yikes. I'm doing much better with the birthmother thing, and having a closed adoption. Basics: I think God just knew I could not handle a birthmother relationship right now. After we lost the twins, I said I'd never trust a birthmom again. I'm doing much, much better with that, and know I will one day trust a/several birthmom(s). But right now, I needed easy, and God knew that. He wrapped up easy into the most adorable 8 lb 11 oz bundle of lovin' and put it straight into my waiting and eager arms. I've also quickly become ok with this adoption being closed. I have to respect Josh's birthmom, D, and what she wants for her life. This is what she wants. We will respect that fully. I spent some time Monday night with a friend of my aunt's who has adopted six children. It was amazing and wonderful to sit and talk with someone who knows exactly what it's like to be in my shoes. I learned a lot and felt so comfortable with her. On to non-adoption things. How's this for Craziness in it's Purest Form: Nathan and I went house hunting in Utah, land of Death by Chapped Lips - the place I said I'd rather die than move back to. Not that we're moving there, because really, we probably won't. But it's so interesting to see what your money can buy in different places. And in Utah, we would be so much closer to family. Yikes. Wheels are a'spinnin'.